Put On Love

How quickly we forget to look in the mirror with our new getup. We accidentally, in our sinful nature, put on the things of this world and put off the things of God.

Here’s where we have been in our “Put On” series. We’ve done the hard work of throwing off our triggers, wearing our new nature in Christ, and powering up with the armor of God. 

Yet, we see our disappointments staring back at us in the mirror. Our reflection triggers the lies, that regardless of our good intentions, we missed the mark.

The weight that gradually added up. 

The exhaustion from sleepless nights. 

The hardship that comes with living in a fallen world. 

We put all of this weight on, failing to remember, God first loved us (1 John 4:19 NIV). 

Whether you are an expert of medical television shows or exposed yourself to some version of healthcare, the first step a medical staff member takes is putting on love. In love, they protect their patient by putting on new gear. Can you imagine, if they wore the same gown or gloves from patient to patient, surgery to surgery? 

We love out of an overflow of receiving the love of Christ. 

Friend, are you dressing yourself in love? We won’t get this perfect. We are far from “perfect love.” We are going to screw up by shaming ourselves. We will mistakenly desire the world more than God. We will forget the unmet measure of God’s forgiveness for our sins neglecting to forgive a treasured loved one or even a stranger. We are going to screw up showing compassion to someone because we make it a chore. We are going to mess up the greatest commandments of all: to love God and love our neighbor as we love ourselves. 

Let’s get to work–loving God, loving ourselves, and loving others.

Possibly, God is calling you to switch the uniform you are putting on every day. Maybe the work is growing bolder in this love. Speaking affirmation over yourself. Creating a new chapter after loss and choosing the love of God over being angry at God. Perhaps, you want to get nearer to God in embracing His love for you for the very first time. Maybe you are like me and you simply want to rest in His love that never fails or disappoints. 

One of my favorite authors Lysa Terkeurst puts love this way in her book Uninvited, “Live loved.” 

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known” (1 COR 13:11-12 NIV). 

We are fully known by the God of love. In our new nature, displayed in the mirror, we get to see ourselves as His image bearers. Then, on that heavenly day, we get to fully know God, seeing Him face to face. 

Join me in embracing the everyday gold He puts on display for us to see Him more clearly. You are God’s treasure.

Put On the Armor of God

We see war and disunity all around us. God knows the pervasiveness of sin and its destruction in us and happening all around us. The Bible says, the enemy of this world is attempting to destroy us. God doesn’t want this destruction or the hard things each of us are going through (Genesis 50:20 NIV). 

A short time ago, we celebrated Jesus’ ministry on Earth presenting the good news and his brutal death at Easter. God used the opposition Jesus faced for good. That we could put on our new nature in Him and die to sin and our desire to indulge in the world we live in.

This freedom in Christ is available to each of us.   

Now, walking in the new nature I shared about here, we get to put on His armor. He knows we need it. Not only because of the adversity all around us, but for the war raging against us in the spiritual realm. 

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand” (Ephesians 6:10-13 NIV). 

We do this so that we can stand–in truth, righteousness, peace, faith, salvation and the Spirit. Upright in the armor God fitted for each of us. David slays Goliath in his own get up, not the king’s armor offered to him (1 Samuel 17:39 NIV). Not anyone else’s armor.

Put on better than Gucci designed armor, protection fit for you–the armor of God.

“Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God” (Eph 6:14-17 NIV). 

What a huge relief. We don’t need to keep putting on what triggers us. He has given us everything we need to stand, and He is indeed going to use whatever we are facing for good (Genesis 50:20 NIV). 

When we put on the armor of God, we reject sin’s power over us. We trust that the battle truly belongs to the Lord. Believing that His protection is more powerful than our own strength. 

Do you find yourself like me, manifesting your own army against the injustices happening to you and around you? Would you consider joining me in trading our own efforts for the strongest protection in all the world? 

God’s best is covering us. Let’s embrace that gift of everyday gold.

Put On Our New Nature

The clothes I invested in went on to fail me. The “pants from hell,” from part one of the series, eventually stopped fitting me. I went from needing the pants in a triggering season to those pants no longer being the solution. 

Could any pants truly cover the valley left inside of me? 

Like me, are you or a loved one finding that the thing you are using as comfort isn’t snapping you out of your valley? Does every day feel like Good Friday? The vacation comes to an end, and you still came home to life’s demands. Death proves to sneak up on you. Maybe, a betrayal consumes anything good happening around you. And, the trauma you experienced continues to feel heavy.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, people would ask me which kind of lymphoma tortured my body. I’d go on to tell them, and it never failed. “That’s the good one, right?” The people closest to me would continue to speak over me. That my lymphoma wouldn’t consume me like a different version of cancer could. 

We are all familiar with some version of life being consuming–stealing the joy we thought was entitled to us. The chasm that we can’t cover; even with well intended steroid pants. 

We want to stop flailing between seasons. Needing something this world can’t buy. We get to put on our new nature in Christ regardless of the valley that’s at our back. 

In part one of the “Put On” series, we looked at God making a way in the wasteland (Isaiah 43:19). Not only did Jesus die for our sins as the perfect sacrifice on Good Friday, but he rose to life so that we too can have a new life in Him now and for eternity (Ephesians 4:21-24 NIV). 

When Jesus was on the cross, he reminded the criminal next to Him, that he possessed this new self and it would land him in paradise. Not because he was dying, but because he believed.

The criminal declared this to the third person on the cross, “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.”

Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”

Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise” (Luke 23:40-43 NIV).

We no longer entertain ourselves in our own desires, triggers, and sorrows, but in the things of God. He bridges the gaps between what we are walking through and where we are going. 

We bank on Jesus being the good in Good Friday, and the good in “the good cancer.” We have a good Father who gave up HIs Son, so that we could put our sinful self to death and continually put on our new nature. 

Will you join the criminal on the cross in not getting the hell that we deserve? 

There’s gold out there. Let’s find Easter every day. Fixing our eyes on exactly that: the lavish gift of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection

Put On Something Triggering

I just wanted them to fit. Fit the way they fit before. But that was forty pounds ago. During that season of forty pounds shedding off of me, I did it. I went and spent money on clothes. Clothes I would come to love. My favorite jeans, my favorite sweatshirt, and my favorite dress. The one that I still attempt to squeeze into today. Whether it’s spending money on something and not being able to use it, or just feeling so uncomfortable in clothes that used to be loose–reality hits. Things aren’t the way they used to be. 

The treatment that was supposed to end continued for another year. After a month off of chemo, I started to wake up wailing in the middle of the night. Again, back pain caused sleepless nights and explosive pain in my hip. A call straight to the oncologist landed me in the women’s department buying new pants–my steroid pants.

My oncologist advised me on the course of steroids; he would prescribe me to manage the pain, and halt the cancer growth. He refrained from advertising how my body would aggressively change over the next six weeks waiting out a biopsy and the next course of treatment. A drastically different appetite and lots of swelling later, no prescription could release me from my new dilemma: I wanted to be back on treatment to be able to fit in my clothes? 

I had convinced myself in the throes of treatment that those steroid-treatment-isn’t-over pants were just for a season. I combated staying present and grateful feeling assaulted by tight fitting clothes. Surely, those steroid pants were worth every penny. Wearing pants that fit and didn’t trigger discomfort and confusion over my future each time I buttoned them was a gift. 

Indeed, the steroid pants were for a short season. For better and for worse. To my oncologist’s liking, my body was rapidly changing and rebuilding after three different courses of chemotherapy. To my dismay, nothing fit. I went from postpartum clothing, to cancer eating at my body, to you’re good as new–all 80 pounds of fluctuation within three really fast years. I struggled to embrace my body fighting and healing.

My guess is either you or someone you know is on a roller coaster of some sort of change. This comes in all shapes and sizes–emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental rides. For better or for worse, we just want off of these rides. We want to stop flailing between seasons, missing what we used to have. While sometimes we can’t change the season we are in, we can direct our attention on something less obvious.

Instead of putting on whatever triggers us, we get to put on the things of God. Week to week, day by day, moment by moment. Let’s perceive the thing God is doing (Isaiah 43:19 NIV).

I can’t say my steroid pants fit today. I moved past what doesn’t fit. Well maybe. I still want to fit in that one dress I wore to my first outing without any hair. Yet, there’s no sting. Would you consider joining me over the course of this series in putting on something [a little less] triggering? Hallelujah, unlike the steroid pants, it will be free to put on. Be sure to follow along HERE.

Let’s interrupt those triggers finding gold every day.

Three Birthdays Later

My blood impacted my outcome. 

Three years ago, in February of 2023, I needed blood. My body would be wiped of the good and the bad flooding my body. My previously harvested stem cells would be transplanted back into my body to promote healing and bounce back from cancer’s curse. The hospital staff that cares for this approximately month-long, inpatient process celebrates the stem cells giving the patient a last resort chance at a cure free of cancer. The care team goes the extra mile to even make this special day a new birthday. Lucky for patients it puts a pep in their nurse’s step. Nurses that fight for patients on the oncology floor spend this entire time bedside with birthday treats in tow and pure excitement.

For those of you who have been around, you probably remember my harsh, sarcasm regarding this topic. In dramatic fashion, I compared my stem cell age to dog years. Can you believe this week I turn 3? Well that’s not what I celebrate, but you’ll want to be sure to check it out HERE.

I’m grateful my stem cells are three years old, but I was saved by someone’s blood.

I celebrate the source. God’s power permeated all the equipment, technology, medical professionals, and my village to go on and make healing an open door for me to walk through. 

Yet, my blood is not going to seal my eternity and transform my days. It’s the blood of Jesus — God’s perfect gift of love that regenerates me, transforms my life, bridges the gap between Earth and Heaven, and heals my body, mind, and soul. It is only by his blood that we have a new life— free, forgiven, redeemed, and only through God’s love. He sent Jesus to die for our sins.

My blood was pricey, but His blood was free. Friends, Jesus' blood was shed for all of us.

Blood that impacts all of God's creation.

Blood that changes our forever address.

Blood freely given at no cost to us.

This blood is available to us now. Adoring His power, believing Jesus died for our sins, and choosing to live for him transforms our life now and makes a place for us with Jesus in Heaven (my blood definitely couldn’t do that).

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9 NIV

Join me in turning our praise to our Heavenly Father who freely gives us our everyday gold—the things of this world that can’t be bought.

Friend’s, we will never be satisfied by the luxuries of the world we live in.

Days before I was diagnosed with cancer, I dreamed of growing old. Having jumped all the hurdles living those golden years. Now, I’m embracing the gift of everyday gold. The things freely given to me by God’s perfect love.

Let’s fix our eyes on the free gifts of everyday gold we are blessed with all day, every day.

On that new, third birthday, three years ago, I intentionally remembered my true second birthday. The one where I became a part of the family of God. The birthday I recognized my life was not my own.

Let’s get you that freely given birthday–the one where you are adopted into God’s family. 

Christmas Solstice

One perk of living in Michigan at the furthest, western edge of Eastern Standard Time—daylight.

Daylight. Lots of daylight.

So much daylight that by the time winter comes, I am ready for the darkness to get my family’s nighttime routine underway. While this is not scientific by any means, we dance between a four to five hour gap from sundown in June to sundown in December.

It seems impossible to get kids to bed anytime before sundown in the summer. I used to combat this with darkening shades, but I can’t trick my kiddos’ bodies like I used to. They get all energized, absorbing all the goodness of light throughout the day. Usually when June solstice hits, I am just about ready to be off duty with kids tucked into bed way before the sky turns dark around 10 p.m.

The new year has me dreaming of those solstice days. The one where we have the darkest day and every day after is more light. Unlike those summer days, I am ready for more light.

Maybe just like the shortest day of the year, your Christmas was more dark than light.

Kevin McCallister in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York reminds us when he throws a brick through the toy store window, “This is it. No turning back. Another Christmas in the trenches,” that Christmas can seem to repeatedly be a nightmare. That was the case for Kevin in the movie. The sequel continued the cycle of Kevin being alone and on a mission to bring down the bad guys.

I remember it as clear as day. A friend texted me upon learning I needed further cancer treatment, “Another Christmas in the trenches.” The year prior, my Christmas plans changed due to illness and an impending biopsy that would lead to a Hodgkin lymphoma diagnosis.

In 2022, I went on to needing treatment, I would have never imagined needing, weekly over the course of the month of December—the regimen that wasn’t part of the original treatment plan. Back in that season I wrote this…

It’s been an effort to reframe what Christmas looks like this year. The staying home part is a bummer, but isn’t the worst either. The four rounds of chemotherapy and handful of doctor appointments this month is not very festive. But it's embracing the real reason for Christmas that have been both timely and challenging. 

Accepting the gift of the miracle this season is so different being in need of God’s supernatural power. Jesus' birth being divine and my medical adventure continuing to prove God’s sovereignty has been just what I’ve needed. 

I’m confident, I’m not the only one who feels like they are at battle or facing something tough this Christmas. I’m believing for you, that there is more to your Christmas than the unwanted part. I’m hoping you feel the blessing of the miracle that is Christmas.

I am going to go ahead and guess, we are all in need of God’s supernatural power. The Christmas season revealed parts of our lives that we didn’t see coming. And for some reason, these undesirable parts don’t signal the most magical time of year.

Let’s get all energized, absorbing all the goodness of His light throughout the day… every day. “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (John 1:5). Like Kevin, we too can take down the bad guy—and not let Satan have any authority over any part of our life. Lucky for us, we aren’t left stranded alone like Kevin was home by himself or roaming the streets of New York. Our Creator revealed Himself on earth to be with us, and when He died He sent us the Holy Spirit to continually be with us.

Not only is the science of daylight not my expertise, neither is Spanish. I know this. Más means “more.”

Here’s to a year full of more light—more Christ—Christmás. 

More hope.

More joy.

More freedom.

More peace.

Friend, there is more to your days than the unwanted parts.

Let’s find that everyday gold.

Phew… That Was a Close One

Hi, friend. September is over!

If you are new to the blog, welcome. I am so glad you’re here. Friends old and new, September and I have history. These previous blog posts this, this, and this uncover that more in depth. Did you see “September” coming? After enough “things” piled up, the lightbulb clicked. It could only mean: September.

For this momma, day to day transitions are my jam, but I loathe when normal changes. I like to keep life pretty predictable. I totally didn’t predict this September’s storm; however, I am happy to say, after weeks of switching gears from summer break, 15 hours of daylight, adventures with my crew, sleeping in, staying up late, forgetting what time of day it is, to morning, after-school, and bedtime routines, activities, homework, and a part-time job for me, we are feeling settled. Regardless of the back-to-school busy of this season, we have a better grip on what happens from day to day.

And by day to day, I legit mean, day to day. I rarely think through what I can knock out in advance, and I’ve leaned into taking it as it comes.

September was remarkable in many ways. The weather was quite roasty, but pleasantly kept us enjoying the sun, the beach, and most outdoor things before hibernation comes. I’ve loved substitute teaching a couple of days a week. We even got to be a part of a couple cancer events that were so healing for our family and my marriage. The coolest part was watching my kids engage in activities that bring them pure joy. This time around, September seemed different. September, maybe we will be friends next year. Maybe.

While September felt, I’m going to say it, “Amazing,” it also was very much in September fashion— heavy. It started with the joy and pressure of birthday world for two of my kiddos on opposite ends of the month, a full month of celebrations. The budget that kept needing tweaking for all the unexpected September things; school pictures I’m looking at you, somehow they always sneak up on me. Collectively, my family was slaying the back-to-school hustle, their activities, Bible study groups, and work for me.

And then came the feedback of outsiders.

The noise I didn’t wish to hear sounded like this…

“When you have cancer again ...”

“One child is struggling and needs care.”

“One child is struggling too and needs this and this.”

“You need XYZ too.”

It took me about three weeks to realize— obviously, it’s September. It got me remembering past Septembers (this, this, and this).

"We aren’t choosing you for the job.”

“You’re not out of the woods yet.”

“Your ovaries are no longer functioning.”

The Bible reminds me, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10 NIV). The chaos of this world is coming for me. Satan is coming after my confidence and any good thing God is restoring in me.

I’ve said it before, and I will keep saying it, the September spiral has no power because God is worthy of it all. Satan has no new tricks, using September over and over again to deter me from the things God wants to use me for.

What is it for you? In what way does Satan try to use old tricks to continually bring you down? Mark your calendar. Be on guard. The enemy wants to overthrow all the good things God’s growing.

Our Heavenly Father has abundance in store for us.

Abundant Septembers.

Abundant _______ (you fill it in).

This past September, when prompted to share a praise, something God has done in your life, my daughter responded, “I’m praising God for healing my mom when she was very sick.” Embrace Everyday Gold. Find a slice of Heaven and turn it into praise. That’s how we fight back the enemy, declaring God’s power, authority, and plans for our lives.

My new normal? Scheduling a calendar event for August 31, 2026 — Take Back the September Spiral. That’s where you’ll find me wearing my “sapphire slippers” (aka my chemo shoes). I’m here for it!

What can you add to your calendar, so your praise reflects that God is over anything the enemy tries to throw your way?

Let’s find that Everyday Gold and throw a praise to God!

Room Darkening

Something magical happened in the midst of this year’s Lenten season. I gained roughly four hours of daylight.

Nowadays, I am jumping for joy that the sun actually wakes me up, but the extra daylight causes a ruckus at the end of the day. My kiddo loves looking out his bedroom window, so much as to completely fray the string that opens and closes the blinds. The pulley mechanism has completely failed, and the blinds have been stuck in an open position. While this served us well in the dark evenings of winter. Our new reality is that the light coming through the window at bedtime makes my son believe one thing, it’s not bedtime.

Here in the great state of Michigan, we will go from nine hours of daylight at winter’s end, to fifteen hours of daylight when summer hits. Right now, we are reaping the benefit of the extra boost of sunshine, well let’s face it daylight without sun. More like, hello cloudy days - Lenten days - surrendering days - path to resurrection days.

Forty days of fasting as a means to surrender to God’s prompting in my life, felt just like that, a mix of light and dark. A mix of freedom and discomfort. Peace and awkward stillness. Getting stuck in making decisions. I don’t like stillness. I don’t like being quiet in my thought space nor bored. Like at Walt Disney World, I want to buy my way through waiting in the long lines.

There is a section of the Bible written by the prophet Jeremiah that expresses his pure sadness for the fallen city of Jerusalem.

I am guessing this Easter, you may be feeling an immense amount of agony.

Has the loved one you’ve adored been called home to be with Jesus?
Has the pain that keeps you up at night only progressively gotten worse?
Can anything good prevail after the loss you’ve experienced?
Has justice not prevailed?
Will the triggers of life, not being the way you expected it to be, ever let up?
Will there be a day that your previous friendship becomes restored?
How did this unwanted job change happen?

Jeremiah addresses this pain, “He has driven me away and made me walk in darkness rather than light” (Lamentations 3:2 NIV). 

I have a friend, who knows pain. Pain that destroys. Suffering that isolates. My friend has said to me, “I just have a dark cloud that follows me everywhere I go.”

And somehow even in all Jeremiah witnessed, he recalls this truth:

“Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him” (Lamentations 3:21-24 NIV).

Collectively, we wait for the Lord. We can make the choice to wait in surrender to Him because His love never runs out for us.

We wait and surrender like every day is Resurrection Sunday.

“When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life’” (John 8:12 NIV).

Have you made the decision to surrender the darkness of this world for the light of eternity with Christ?

Fifteen years ago, on Easter Sunday, I sat in church alone, doing just that. I forfeited the ways the darkness of the world would no longer keep me from the plans God had for me.

This Easter, we get to do just that, accept God’s costly gift of Jesus’ life with the acceptance of His invitation to one day never walk in darkness for eternity. 

It’s possible, you’ve already made that decision to give your life to Jesus. You’ve died to yourself and the desires of this world for the gift of walking with God now and for eternity. 

In what area of your life can you trade the darkness that overcomes you for God’s glorious light? 

I’m praying that you join me in opening the blinds here on Earth and for eternity. 

It’s not bedtime friends! 

Let’s find Resurrection Day, every day!

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (John 1:5).

Lent—Fasting—Victory

It’s my favorite season of the year.

It’s the perfect bridge between the dull winter, and the hope for some spring sunshine.

Best of all, dead things come alive.

Lent is here!

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Winter 2025, came with the unexpected gift of trekking laundry to friends’ houses for four weeks; so many snow days for the kids; unpleasant driving conditions because of the said snow; not nearly enough sun; and hardest of all, embracing the death of my grandma.

After my grandma passed away, I remember thinking, Lent is around the corner.

Growing up, the days of Lent were just about the only thing more important than the Christmas season. I fondly remember my grandma taking me to the local convenience store to treat me to a meal because I had given up fast food for Lent. There was another time, she joined my family for an Ash Wednesday service at the church we formerly attended, and the message changed my life forever.

The priest taught the congregation about fasting and the motives behind it in a way that still impacts me today. Every January at my current church, the entire congregation takes on a season of fasting and praying. It never fails, people will tell me all about what they’re fasting for twenty-one days; and they go on to ask what I’m doing, and I completely freeze.

When I was in middle school, the priest ingrained in me to keep what I was fasting to myself. That what I wanted to fast was between me and God.

The Bible says, “But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you” (Matthew 6:17-18 NIV). 

For over twenty-five years, it has been my mission to keep my fasting life secret.

Yet, I love when other people share what they are fasting, it helps inspire me and support through the long stretch. 

This Lenten season, I am treasuring intimacy with God. 

I love that all those years ago, the priest taught me to cling to the Lord for strength. Most importantly, remembering to partner with God in a season of fasting. In more ways than one, my younger days of eating a meal packed from home and refraining from soda, taught me that my relationship with God is between me and him.

Prior to being diagnosed with cancer, I remember fasting to shut off the distractions around me and denying myself from the unhealthy ways I tend to cope. In denying myself of comfort and searching for the answers to my health issues, I wanted my groans to turn to the Lord.

I needed him to strengthen me and reveal to me what glorifying him looked like in my agony. The discomfort and tension of fasting made room for me to cling to the Lord, drawing my eyes toward him. 

Recently, in this blog post, I mentioned that in 2024, it was my goal to move forward from the unpleasant realities that cancer handed me. I knew in 2025, I needed to work on taking my thoughts captive and trusting his plans for me. I needed to strengthen my dependence on him. And I thought for sure, that would be my 2025 mission: dependence on God. 

After seeking what he wanted for me, I discovered I needed to focus on the vehicle that would bring me to depending on the Lord.

Hello my 2025 ride.

Hello seasons of fasting.

Hello: surrender.

Whether it is Lent or my own personal season of fasting, there is value in denying myself of the treasures of this world. In more ways than one, surrendering my ways for his ways is exactly where he wants me.

In my life, this looks like being vulnerable when chatting with a friend, my kids riding the chair lift without me at the ski area. and doing the hard things I prefer to avoid. Most of all, surrendering my understanding has been my greatest area of growth. There have been several life-changing instances this year, where I have had to move forward regardless of having all the answers.

Surrender makes me feel like a deer in headlights.

Surrender is costly..

Surrender is fixing my eyes on the one who controls all the things.

Surrender is trading my personal comfort in observance of God’s son dying on the cross for my sin.

Jesus tells the Pharisees, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10 NIV). His way is full of hope, life, and eternity with him.

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My Grandma was a die-hard Chicago Cubs fan. After a Cubs win at home, a white flag with a blue W is hoisted over the scoreboard. When celebrating her life this winter, I couldn’t unsee, we win when we raise our white flag because of the finished work on the cross.

“But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 15:57 NIV)

We win when we surrender our addictions. We win when we don’t argue with our spouse just to be right. We win when we celebrate someone else’s win. We win when we do the unimaginable: ask for forgiveness and forgive those who have hurt us. We win when we put our lives and future in the hands of the one who gave us life.

Join me in preparing our hearts for Easter by trading the treasures of this world for security in Christ.

Let’s find that everyday gold over the next forty days.

Will you join me?

My Age in Dog Years

On a day like today, I would love to sit across the table from my grandpa and ask him to guess my age. I can see it clear as day. His wide open eyes, like my daughter’s, laughing through a grin stretching from ear to ear. His belly would be moving up and down in sync with his surprised laugh. Just like the game he always played when I was growing up, I would be giving him a taste of his own medicine.

When I was a little girl, my grandpa made his best attempt to stay young by claiming his dog was older than him. It never failed as his granddaughter, that I had to guess who was older, the dog or him.

On a day like today, I’d love to bust his chops, that my kids, nieces and nephews are older than me.

On a day like today, I would crack the joke for my grandpa, but not actually celebrate that I am two years old.

On a day like today, I am flooded with the beauty of caring for a friend and her newborn baby, using the garage code to get access to a friend’s house to serve her family, traveling long distances solo, exposing myself to families with viruses, and my favorite of all: enjoying a peaceful, joy-filled, before school kind of morning with my family.

On a day like today, I remember the version of myself that would have never imagined the air I get to breathe today.

On a day like today, I celebrate the gift God has given me through the redeeming work he is doing in me every day.

The joy of being transplanted into his family for eternity makes room for every day on Earth to be accredited to him.

On a day like today, I praise God that his righteousness saturates my earthly filth and decay.

On a day like today, I am X amount of moments, days, and years old living securely in him.

To ultimately move through the heartache I described here, monumental days like today, simply belong to the Lord.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest in hope,
because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
you will not let your holy one see decay.
You have made known to me the paths of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence.
Acts 2:26-28

On a day like today friends, we have the opportunity to be transplanted from the ways of this fleeting world into God’s heavenly riches.

Everyday gold is ageless. Let’s find that everyday gold that will even outlast my transplant.

2024ward and Beyond

Throughout most of my life, I have excelled at one thing in particular: staying stuck in the past. The flies on my walls have heard their share of my hubby saying, “I thought you moved on from that.”

Call it my personality, call it my experiences, call it whatever you want, I lurk around the things that I’ve lived through. While I do believe there’s value in reminiscing and learning from the past, my thoughts here will encapsulate a season of growing away from being stuck.

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Prior to ringing in 2024, I attended a comedy event. For the majority of the event, the entertainer laughed at his own jokes regarding Heaven and how people got there. He role played this scene in Heaven where everyone was sharing how they passed from Earth on to Heaven.

I really didn’t like his style of making a joke out of eternity, but at that moment I had been throwing a pity party for myself post-cancer treatment. So, regardless of the comedian’s delivery, I needed to hear exactly how self-focused I was wallowing in my cancer journey. My realization that night: when I get to Heaven, I am pretty sure no one will care what got me there, so why do I care about my suffering now?

More than any physical side effect of chemotherapy and my stem cell transplant between 2022-2023, nothing compared to the emotional slaughter I was experiencing post-treatment. I was coming off of the trauma of cancer care: aggressive and in some cases negligent healthcare professionals, loved ones disappointed in my decisions, silence from people I never expected to block me out, and my corpse flashing through my mind. Harder than any of that, my heart was broken into pieces that I was free from cancer, and so many people suffer from an array of health challenges that just won’t go away.

At the turn of 2024, God was convincing me to move forward from what had happened to me. I had to commit to doing the hard thing, and stop avenging my version of what happened to me. As if he was speaking directly in my ear, God pressed into me, “Do you not trust me to heal those people at just the right moment too?” And while my heavy heart still breaks for the suffering, I’ve moved forward in allowing God to do the heavy lifting part: the part he is sovereign over.

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We can more than likely agree, the turn of the calendar year doesn’t mean 2024 is over.

2024 is like, “Hi 2025. I’m still here. I still don’t have a job. I still have that pain. I still haven’t come to terms with XYZ. That ailment is still lingering. And my loved one is still gone.”

For me, the new year reminds me of the weight I still try to carry with my own strength. 

It’s the weight of things out of my control. Weight I need to release to God, that he alone can take care of. There’s no burning the midnight oil solely to wrap my life up perfectly before falling off to sleep.

This year, I’m continuing the work of moving forward, and making room for God to carry the load.

What is the turn of the year casting on you?

Let’s adjust the sails, and ride into the next calendar year ready for calm and choppy weather.

Because here’s the reality, we can’t stay put in the middle of deep water for too long. Yes, there is a season for rest and lament, but if you are anything like me, we can embrace a long season of lament and grieving while moving towards what God has in store for our lives.

The unfinished work he is still doing with the breath in our lungs is on the horizon.

There’s a sea of everyday gold within reach. Let’s find it together!

Swaddled in Security

Recently, I’ve been basing my purchases off of whether or not I can get free delivery. I suppose it has become an obsession, to the point where I’ve been able to track the price of my shopping cart and purchase at just the right time, with just the right deal.

In one particular instance, my cart had over three hundred dollars worth of freebies and a few regular priced products. I was going to get several gifts crossed off of my list all in one purchase. Music to my ears.

My shopping cart was well worth $300 in goodies, but my subtotal didn’t equal at least $50 in merchandise to qualify for free delivery. I refused to pay almost $70 in shipping for my freebies and discounted items. Maneuvering items in my cart to get my subtotal up, I was spending way too much time selecting merchandise, that never brought me to the necessary subtotal to be granted free delivery.

Mission failed. I chopped it up as, while I didn’t get the best deal, I didn’t pay for delivery, and I saved money by not hitting the purchase button. The truth of the matter, it was one less delivery I had to keep track of receiving.

Somehow, this is what the holiday season has turned into: receiving deliveries.

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While delivery is what Christmas is about, it’s not the one I’ve been pricing out. The season is for receiving deliverance from the emptiness of the world we live in. The gift of security in Jesus doesn’t cost us nearly what it cost for Jesus. He was slain to deliver us from sin, and extend to us freedom from this world with the hope that we get to be with Him for eternity when we welcome this pricey gift into our lives.

Will you join me receiving this gift of hope?

Everywhere we turn, reality reminds us there is more pain than anyone should ever have to experience. Too many people suffer from unforeseen illness, loss, and grief. Hopes crushed and dreams set to the side. Jobs cancelled. Darkness looming.

‘Tis the season to sing, “Joy to the World.”

Linus from, A Charlie Brown Christmas shifted his gaze in all the holiday, hustle best. Before he recites the Bible’s definition of Christmas, Charlie Brown says, “Isn’t there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?”

Regardless of getting Christmas wrong or our unwanted circumstances, this is the cry of Christmas: we need something more than this world can offer.

The famous Linus knew the beauty of finding security in the world. He clung to his blanket for comfort wherever he went. Yet, he knew the truth about earthly security, it doesn’t exist. He shows this in the movie by sacrificing his security blanket.

What is it that we can sacrifice or offer to the Lord this Christmas?

Security in our health, jobs, relationships, retirement funds, to-do list, you name it, is fleeting.

The Christmas of 2021, the pain in my hips and sacrum tortured me everywhere I turned. Covid was canceling all the life happening around us, and threatening my health and future surgery in big ways. And then there was the cherry on top, Christmas 2022. That year, my friend reminded me of Kevin’s view of Christmas in the movie, Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, “This is it. No turning back. Another Christmas in the trenches.”

A couple of years ago, Christmas seemed to slip away from me. Instead of spending all of December baking my grandma’s lemon cookies, wrapping gifts, and spoiling loved ones, I was stuck in bed, and attempting to swallow food. I spent Christmas Eve in a sterile chair receiving chemotherapy - for a cancer so stubborn it wouldn’t go away.

Where are you this Christmas?

What are you truly needing deliverance from?

It’s the place where we find ourselves clinging to security in something that can only end up leaving us frazzled, disappointed, and insecure. In Christmas fashion, pass the reins over to the Lord.

We learn from the Bible that the wise men were en route to bring down the newborn King, and God redirected their hearts (Matthew 2 NIV). We also have access to this same life changing power. Where God redirects our hearts towards Him.

Fear turns to strength.

Control bows to submission.

Mourning turns to rejoicing.

Intrusive thoughts swirl into proclaiming truth.

Earth collides with Eternity.

Satan’s schemes shift to grave shaking, everyday gold - the praise we give to our King. No matter what our circumstances are we can rejoice (1 Thes 5:16-18 NIV).

Fixing our eyes on the everyday gold that comes from God’s plans for our lives delivers us from the insecurity of this world.

For those who’ve been holding me up through my cancer journey, you know Brandon Lake’s song, “Gratitude” is my scan jam. You can read more about that scanxiety here at, "Gratitude Hasn't Been the Loudest." This is a part of the song I've overlooked until this Christmas. It’s the part about Christ’s birth. The part where obedience submits to His divinity.

And I know it's not much
But I've nothing else fit for a King
Except for a heart singing hallelujah
Hallelujah

We don’t have anything fit for our King. The wise men displayed this when they attempted to find baby Jesus, so the king they worked for could kill Jesus and contain his power (Matthew 2:2-3, 7-8,16 NIV). Their life was changed for the better despite their loaded gift (Matthew 2:9-10 NIV). They led by example, praising our King, and leaving changed (Matthew 2:12 NIV).

Where am I containing the power I think belongs to me?

I’ve done my share of purchasing gifts loaded with expectations for loved ones. I’ve had big hopes that they would receive my love and hopefully return the favor by loving me, seeing me, and showing up in my life. Gifts to them that benefit me. Those gifts of insecurity never lead to peace.

Receive our King, and leave changed like the wise men. Treading a new path with our hearts and minds, “Prepare Him room.”

In the song “Joy to the World” the songwriter declares, “The Lord has come. Let Earth receive her King.” What is keeping you from accepting baby Jesus as the King of your life? Where can you, “Prepare Him room,” this Christmas, so that you have a place at His table for eternity?

What if, He took care of all the “delivering” this time?

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I am so blessed to be here on earth, healthy for Christmas. My body is better acclimated to its new chemo absorbed, stem cell charged, hormone stripped self than last year. One thing cancer does well, slams mortality in your face.

And while I’ve seen deliverance in my health over cancer, like you, there are some cries of my heart that still haven’t been fulfilled and don’t go away. God’s timing is never our timing. And we could spend an entire lifetime waiting for the storm to pass.

So, instead of tracking the status of our deliverance from those unfortunate circumstances, we can fix our gaze on the gold God has poured out over our lives.

You’ve heard me say it here on the blog, “I dreamed of growing old - So I’m embracing the gift of everyday gold.”

Bringing my everyday gold to Jesus, like the wise men brought their gifts to Him as a babe.

Praise. Worship. Blessings. Hallelujahs. Amens. Glimmers of light. Hard circumstances God will use for His glory. All every day findings I’ve received from our Lord, that I get to give Him thanks for. Those Hell shaking, Earth shattering, gold findings, shift my heart securely in Him.

There's gold out there. Let's find our security together!

When it Rains, It Pours

I love a good downpour. I love when a hot summer day reroutes our busy day to slow down and stay inside. Against my kids’ liking, I love a stormy day. Easy for me to say, I have never endured a tropical storm. Yet, I can say, life often feels like I am being tossed by the waves. Have you felt this way, tossed by the waves not knowing how to stay afloat?

My day started falling apart. Right away, I caught on. It’s scan week. This is just part of the drill for scan week/oncology appointments/life events/fill in your hurdle.

Attempting to amp myself up, I repeated to myself - Okay, I can do this. Just keep my eyes focused on God. Like Peter kept his gaze on Jesus and walked out to him on the water. Remember Amy, Peter started sinking when he shifted his gaze off of Jesus and onto the blustering wind (Matthew 14:27-30 NIV).

Feeling confident, and expecting the waves, I tried moving forward and recovering my account that was hacked. Etched in my soul were the words, “We will get back to you within forty-eight hours.” As if I was stabbed in the chest, I fell apart. Not being able to contact the company for support, and waiting out the forty-eight hours was torture. I had no control over the situation, nor would any of my efforts be of benefit.

My friend reached out to me while waiting on my scan results, and all I said to her was, “When it rains, it pours.”

And while my life wasn’t under persecution, thank you Jesus for this protection, the spiritual realm we live amongst is like choppy water. The warfare is happening all around us, to keep us from locking eyes with Jesus, whether we are on solid ground or raging water.

The storm intensified into what felt like the ten plagues of Amy’s life.

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Eight years ago, I remember my life circumstances following this exact pattern.

My family was moving from Illinois to Michigan. All the things were going well, but out of nowhere some really wonky things started to happen.

One day, I pulled up to my home in Illinois, and I felt that eerie feeling of someone being in my house, when I saw the door to the house left open. Surely the door wasn’t open when I left. It ended up being just a fluke, but I wasn’t having it; especially with my hubby out of town.

The septic system malfunctioned.

High radon levels showed up on inspection reports.

As we prepared to have our house go on the market, we noticed there were a few bees outside on our front porch. So, we mitigated the bees outside, to quickly discover, there were swarms of bees coming in through the walls of our basement. Hello, emergency exterminator fees outside of business hours. We had about thirty-six hours to make it look like there was no sign of buzzing before our first showing.

Buzzing check.

Meowing-not check.

Days before we pulled out of the driveway to embark on our journey moving from Illinois to Michigan, we were eating dinner, and I remember my husband looking up from his plate and avoiding eye contact with me. At the sound of my ears ringing, I knew he knew something I didn’t know. Simultaneously, my appetite drastically changed, and I discovered what my husband had been keeping from me when I heard purring come from the garage. A cat had her kittens in not just any place, in my garage.

Now, before you click the unsubscribe button, I love that you love cats. Go you! I am just not as kind of a person as you. It’s not even that I don’t like cats, I am terrified of cats. So for the final sleeps in our first home, I was terrorized by the real sounds of innocent kittens purring. I even refused to eat at my kitchen table.

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It’s happened before that the layers of stress build up during stressful life circumstances. This is what the rollercoaster ride looked like during the most recent round of scans and appointments:

• Hack: It would have been nice if the social media hack was a one and done hit. But it wasn’t. The developer locked my account; yet, they allowed the hacker to strike with a vengeance and collect a lot of money from the people I cherish.

• Parent teacher conferences that had me wincing at the words coming off the teacher’s mouth as this person described my precious kiddo’s challenges.

• My husband was traveling.

• I had a crazy idea to teach my son’s preschool class how to sew.

• Mad dash to get our sprinkler system blown out on the eve of our first bout with snow.

• Kiddos spitting on each other, as if they were running out of emotions to melt through.

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You are probably wondering if we moved and acted like there wasn’t a litter of kittens hanging out in the garage. Neither my husband nor I wanted to get involved with a cat and her litter. Surprisingly, we realized the people who work with rescuing kittens and eliminating bees were more terrified than us.

We called for a resolution, and it was in more ways than one uncomfortable for them to improve our situation. This dumbfounded me. I for sure thought confidence and technique was a given for someone in these lines of work. Let’s just say, I have the joy of replaying the vivid memory of two exterminators terrified to spray the bees that were coming out of my basement walls.

Lucky for the people who bought our home, we spent the money to make sure the future homeowners didn’t have any surprises.

This is exactly where God wants me today: trusting that he spent the money to pave my future, so there would be no surprise. He bought me with the blood of his son Jesus. Bought me back from my sin, so that one day I will spend eternity with him. And that’s the kind of home I want to buy, the one with no surprises. That this world will indeed have trouble, but God has already overcome it (John 16:33 NIV).

Praise the Lord, the confidence and assurance I can walk in knowing this truth that I will spend eternity with him, isn’t one of fear, like the exterminator flailing his arms, wincing, and running from the bees.

My confidence is in my Heavenly Father who is not surprised by the chaos of the world. Sometimes life doesn’t bring out the best of me. Still, God is drawing the best of himself out of my life. I just need to depend on him.

While I hate the decay of this world, I love the redemption and restoration that Jesus provides. For that I am truly grateful.

God sees the storms we are in. He is right there with us. We only need to reach out to him in faith that he’s got this.

You’ve got this friend. You can do hard things.

Oh yes, that too - my scan was unremarkable. I am unremarkable. Here’s the reference to these life goals.

A Sweet Handful of Octobers

Recently, a friend came out for her family’s annual fall trip. We recounted the unfiltered beauty of fall in Michigan. We went all the way down memory lane to recount seven years of this tradition through photos on our phones. We were mixing up some of the years, as we remembered the good old days. We couldn’t help, but laugh about avoiding the hayride because the little one didn’t want to sit in the hay, and the year we got lost in the corn maze. Then, there was the time we had plans to go to the farm, but I went to the emergency room with compounding fevers, night sweats, and fatigue. This year’s trip will go down as the one where the pumpkin donuts were left behind.

Last month, I shared the repetitiveness of September in my life here, and the ways I proactively got ahead of my angst for the seasons changing here. September was incredible, partly because I was prepared, but the weather and sunshine were on point too.

Somehow, I cruise into October thinking to myself I can tackle anything.

Reality hits hard: the sun wakes up at 8am way after me, which is never good for anyone who has to interact with me before that, and my body just shuts down as if I were hibernating for the winter. And somehow, I get to the end of the month thinking: what just happened?

To my (limited) understanding, my body was designed to follow a circadian rhythm. Circadian rhythm impacts my sleep cycle, my energy, and adapts to the pattern of life happening all around me. I know friends who build their lives around adapting to the seasons, daylight, and embracing their circadian rhythm by eating fall foods and not looking at screens at night.

From my experience working on a farm, I’ve noticed farmers go from approximately fourteen to sixteen hours of daylight, working hours to about eight or ten. And while my heart jumps for joy that my farmer friends get that season to wind down quicker and rest in anticipation of next year’s planting, cultivating, and harvesting that is just not where I am. I am not a farmer.

My animals, I mean children, will be getting home just barely an hour before the sun goes down, when we turn over the clocks for daylight savings. So, while my body craves to crash at 4pm, I am sprinting a marathon jamming all things dinner, homework, family time, and activities into a three hour time frame.

You’ve heard me talk about combating this fog here. And for the record, being intentional is making all the difference. I can’t even imagine staying stuck with my digestion and challenging hormones that cause my mood to fluctuate.

October sneaks up on the best of us.

Yet, when my friend and  I were piecing together our annual festivities, I realized it wasn’t just bliss, it legit felt like years of whiplash. Yes, the memories of the kids being little, and having this quality time together is precious, but like I already said, there was that time we had plans to go to the farm, but I went to the emergency room instead.

If our bodies have a circadian rhythm, health challenges and October have this pattern too! For five years, my health has battled hard in October.

October 2020 - My husband and I declared before our family and church that we would put our son’s life and future in the hands of our Lord at his dedication. That our son’s name Silas, reminds us that when we praise our Father, prison walls crumble (Acts 16:25-34 NIV). We are no longer bound, but free through Him. Within a couple of days, I was roaming my halls from twelve in the morning to three in the morning, limping in pain, thinking to myself, this sure feels like a prison cell. 

October 2021- The hope of new lesions in safer places, warranted emergency room visits and compounding opinions from specialists.

October 2022 - I went from dreaming of a party to celebrate remission, to excessive pain, restless nights, surgery, and second opinions. Back to my original prison cell. My first chapter of chemotherapy didn’t do the trick, and October exploded because of it. Gratefully, I think every weekend that month we were surrounded by family and made sure we were having fun.

October 2023 - I’m in remission, the kids are transitioning to their new school, and the menopause bomb goes off.

October 2024 - The “aha moment” - I am free. I am free. I am free. I am free.  

Through it all, I wouldn’t trade these full circle moments colliding and a clean bill of health. God doesn’t give me microwave answers. For better or for worse, He gives freedom.

Back in October of 2022, this scripture became my anthem, “For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you” (2 Chronicles 20:10 NIV). The moabites and ammonites were closing in on King Jehoshaphat and the people of Judah. The people of Judah desired deliverance from their enemy. The Spirit of the Lord goes on to say, “Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s’” (2 Chronicles 20:15 NIV).

My battle with cancer was a five year battle that continues. Whether prevalent in my life or flying under the radar, like the way October feels, the battle belongs to the Lord.

Whatever pattern or season you are in, the battle belongs to the Lord.

The pain you’re experiencing or the restless nights that won’t go away, the battle belongs to the Lord.

The rallying you are doing in your own strength, the battle belongs to the Lord.

The tears spilling over, “Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s” (2 Chronicles 20:15 NIV). 

When we don’t know what to do, Lord, the battle belongs to you.

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There’s a battle out there. He’s the gold worth clinging to. We can praise Him for that.

It’s The Most Sugary Time of Year

Big Disclaimer: This is by no means medical advice. It is merely a collection of my experiences and desires. Talking to your health professional is the best way to get medical advice.

Booked! My next scan is on the books for November. It seems like just yesterday, I was prepping for my May birthday scan. I wrote about that special birthday celebration here. When I saw my oncologist to go over my routine scan, I remember confessing to him, “I eat birthday cake every day.” He laughed, like what in the world are you talking about. While every day is a birthday after beating cancer, it’s also not part of my remission regimen to eat cake every day.

At just about every appointment, I attack my doctor, “How do I keep the cancer away?” And his answer is always the same. In some way or form he goes on about living a healthy lifestyle, and not eating sugar. He always adds, “Enjoy the cake on your birthday, for sure. But get off the sugar.”

I’m confident he’s never experienced menopause and sugar cravings. Unfortunately, contrary to my liking, the sugar is still on my no list and his answer never changes.

Since that May encounter with the trajectory of my health (grateful to report: clean), I’ve been more conscious than ever of the immense amount of stressors on my hormones - some I have control over and some I don’t have any control over.

My body really absorbs all the goodness of extra sun and warmth. Where I live in Michigan, we even have daylight well past 9PM for the majority of the summer. The switch of seasons from summer to fall and winter to spring just about knocks me out every year. I shared my intentions to be proactive with my lifestyle in September, to get ahead of the season turning and keeping my mood in tact as best as possible here. Here are a few ways I challenged myself to preserve my summer energy over the course of September: 10,000 steps daily, improve water consumption, 2 workouts at the gym per week, and protein centered meals

Setting a goal for the most sugary time of the year seems just too intense. So while it would be nice to make it to January with consistency, I am working towards sustaining the following goals through October. Then, potentially up to my scan mid-November. To close out the year on track would truly be remarkable. Here’s where I want to be by the end of October:

• Eating protein rich meals every three hours - hello, my little protein helper!

• Drinking more than 1/2 my weight in water

• Increasing my Vitamin D intake - a staple in cancer treatment, recovery, and lifting my mood when those gray skies hit.

• Supplementing my body with nutrients - combatting mid-day fatigue, leg cramps, and nauseousness while working out! *See more below

• Climbing my biggest mountain: 8 hours of sleep @ night

• Attempting to continue from September: 10,000 steps daily and 2 workouts a week at the gym

That day in May, I ended up being the butt of my own joke. I also had to tell my doctor I had been getting bruises on my legs. He looked at my friend, who tagged along for the appointment and went right for it, “Your clothes are too tight. Like you said, you are eating birthday cake every day, right?” Shots fired. I still can see my friend laughing in the corner.

Now, when I see him this November, I will confidently say, “I am not eating birthday cake every day. I may still have gained thirty pounds since my diagnosis in February of 2022, I’m a whole different person than I was six months ago.”

Fighting to be trim like my cancer body is really just not realistic nor a healthy mindset. While being in good shape and eating healthy will play a pivotal role in mitigating cancer, there are bigger fish to fry.

Maintaining my energy to keep up with my family and rebuild from the side effects of cancer treatment is my top priority. I am excited to focus on curbing sugar and boosting my mood, energy and overall health.

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Are you eager to reclaim your health too?

While it would be nice to fit back into my favorite pair of jeans, I just want the imprint of menopause to be a little less exhausting.

Are you like me and need accountability?

Let’s join forces. I’d love to hear which of my October goals interests you the most and connect with each other. Drop me a note here, or leave a comment at the bottom.

Are you wanting to go the extra mile?

Like me, do you want to be ready to combat the Halloween goodies, cozy fall desserts, big Thanksgiving suppers, and holiday dinners? Maybe you are in the same boat as me, and want to kiss a symptomatic life goodbye? Join me and a few friends of mine on Thursday October 17th at 8:30PM ET (7:30PM CT) to dive deeper into supporting our bodies in a way where sugar doesn’t get the final say. I will look out for your reply via text, Facebook Messenger, or the comments below to get you the link!

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Scan season and the most sugary time of the year simply don’t make a great pair. 

Let’s find the everyday gold in our health together!

Worthy of All Control

Hi October! I made it! Despite the turn of seasons I am up and at it.

Last year at this time, I was six months post stem cell transplant, and while I was itching for life to be back to normal, my body was just not there. This post shares more about what turning a page that didn’t want to turn felt like.

So, this year, I threw all my energy into making the transition from summer to fall less messy. At the beginning of September, I noted here on the blog the ways September had hit me hard in the past.

I attempted to derail September’s schemes with fitting in 10,000 steps a day, drinking an insane amount of water, strategically planning meals around protein, inviting loved ones to come visit in Michigan, making my bed religiously, staying put versus traveling, diving into God’s word, and reflecting on God’s goodness of everyday gold.

My survival kit to combat a stuck September really saved my month that got wonky, as expected.

An unexpected “snow day,” from school and the most amazing 80 degree September day sent us running with friends to the beach. Nothing beats the beach like clear skies and small, weekday crowds. Within 15 minutes of settling into our spot, we started to get swarmed by flies.

We stuck out the attack for about an hour, and we unanimously decided to get as far away from the beach as possible and head home. Of course it went this way. Flies stinging us and driving us away would for sure make for a “September,” outing.

By the grace of God, my kids got sick. Yep you heard that right. Not only did I relish in the extra quality time with each kiddo at separate times, I flooded my mind with the fact that they got sick first. Here’s why: I went ahead and got a fever too.

Reaching for the fever meds, my intrusive thoughts of cancer returning flooded my mind. Of course it happened moments after welcoming September here on the blog. My house got polluted with a wild six hour fever for some and a four day fever for the others. Sandwiched between two sick kiddos, I grasped for a deep breath that my kids had fevers. It’s just a fever.

When cancer flooded my body, night sweats, fevers, and chills persisted and redirected my days without notice. Fast forward to my low grade fever leaving me feeling all of my cells moving through my marrow. The spot on my back that sent my doctor declaring, “I wasn’t out of the woods yet,” even felt like it was throbbing. September definitely started in dramatic fashion.

September also brought great surprises too. We had a visitor for two extra days, birthday celebrations, and the most gorgeous weather we’ve seen in four months: clear skies, eighty degree pool weather days, and cool nights to open the windows.

My daughter’s birthday had closed out the month. She kept telling me she didn’t want any surprises. She doesn’t like the unscripted parts. She wanted her hand in all the things because she couldn’t settle the anticipation growing inside of her.

Somehow this September, sapphire gal has all the September feels of wanting to know all the things and to best prepare for said things.

Yet none of us are in control of the things that send us into a September spiral. Unexpected loss happens. School transitions mark both resilience and inflexibility. For better or for worse the weather changes.

I wrote in my last blog, about being afraid the other shoe was going to drop.

The September spiral has no power because God is worthy of it all.

The book of Revelation describes God declaring, “I am the Alpha and the Omega. Who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty” (Revelation 1:8 NIV).

It doesn’t escape me that some of my September mishaps felt relatively trivial. My friends faced their own version of September slapping them in the face. September didn’t go away as quickly as my mild fever. Scans, scopes, excruciating pain, job turndowns, injuries, out of the blue worsening tremors, spiritual warfare from sharing their testimony, and becoming a widow were some of the ways September has revealed their new reality.

God is worthy of our present.

God is worthy of our past.

God is worthy of our future.

I mentioned the grief I experienced when I lost my grandpa my senior year of high school here. It was the life event almost twenty years ago that set the tone for singing Green Day’s “Wake Me Up When September Ends” every September. At the end of that school year, Natasha Bedingfield’s “Unwritten” was the song I couldn’t stop singing. My friends and I would break out our over the top dance moves, screaming…

“Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten, yeah.”

A school year that started with grief, ended with hope.

The “September” days we face all year are in the hands of our almighty Father. 

Here I am, trusting God is going to do something great with all the “unwritten” parts because he is worthy of it all.

Maybe it’s the middle of the day or the depth of the night, “Today is where your book begins” - again.

You are held by the one who knows the entire book. Will you join me in trusting God with the parts you haven’t written?

Let’s find the everyday gold God has for us in every aspect of our life.

Pinch Me-It’s September

Hi September. We have a track record.

A year ago, I revealed the loss I experienced in the month of September almost two decades ago HERE.

September, you can’t snatch my comeback: delivering another babe via cesarean section, the epic girls trip to Disney, and NEEDTOBREATHE at Red Rocks.

Satan, you can’t have my September.

I’m here for all of it. The tortured transition between summer fun and school bells. The crisp air passing through my bedroom window kissing my furnace of a body. Harvest goodies. Ginger Golds.

September 2022, my oncologist etched the words in my brain, “You’re not out of the woods yet.” According to my faith, I am never really out of the woods.

September, you remind me - it’s go time!

It’s time to slay giants. It’s time to go after the enemy. It’s time to stop the evil of this world from coming after me and my crew.

Just a couple of days into September 2024, I was reminded of the enemy’s work coming after me.

I joined the leadership team for a local Bible study in my community. First day jitters, I thought to myself: people aren’t going to recognize me!

The last time I was part of this leadership team, I was bald. Bald, hit by the chemo train, hopeful for a healthy year, and blinded by my cancer’s persistence.

This year, excited and feeling 100%, I exposed myself to commitment. Committing to volunteer in a capacity cancer previously stole from me. The seminar’s facilitator encouraged the team of leaders to, “Spread good.” There it was.

Cancer, your reign of spreading bad life circumstances - thwarted.

Cutting my bag of kale for lunch after the seminar (the pains of doing my one clean eating thing for the day), I became overjoyed by the life I’m living. Fully aware of the realities of “waiting for the other shoe to drop,” I didn’t let fear overshadow the joy of serving my sovereign God.

In all the stages of cancer, healing, and survivorship, spreading good was right at my fingertips.

Spreading good is always just one decision away. No matter how September says hello to you, spreading good is available for you too!

September, I am coming for you. PR in the making. I’ll be over here wearing my “sapphire slippers” to be ready for you.

Unpacking Summer & “Mum School”

I did a thing this summer.

By noting the date of my last post, you also realize the gap.

Like I said, I did something.

Tomorrow marks ten years of raising my babes. What a blessing that I continue to raise my babes, and that they still adore and fight me raising them. Thanks God! This is truly gold that comes from you.

School is in full swing. And when I say full. Like for real full. Full of hot lunch, cold lunch, new gear, new teachers, new worries, new bus routes, new wake up times, new routines, and already the dreaded kid home from school sick multiple days. Like our bellies bursting after grandma’s Thanksgiving dinner. Bursting so much, one child gagged all of the contents of said child’s stomach in the middle of the school hallway just on the second day. And to hope, the year can only get better from here, right?

Enter my baby child flying the coop. On one of our last weekday adventures with the big kids in school, we went to said child’s favorite spot: the lake by the bagel shop. With our bagels in tote, we trekked through geese poop to get that prime seat, right next to the boat launch. Quickly by babe was in his glory: in full wardrobe chasing ducks through the murky, shallow water. To my dismay, my bagel became a donation to our new, stalking friends.

I didn’t want this moment to be over, and so with all my power and control over the moment, I told the kid that’s no longer a babe, “Let’s take a selfie.” So, the kid threw his arms around my neck and said, “Look mom. I’m like an angel on your back.”

Enter the full waterworks.

This is the kid that was exposed to the implications of cancer almost his entire existence.

After two days of a NICU stay for him, I held him in my hospital room looking out the window anticipating my husband’s arrival during the snowstorm. The building across the street caught my attention. The same view as my stem cell transplant. It was the place that cared for those battling cancer. I remember clinging to my newborn son praising God for his deliverance from suffering and good health. A view only worthy of praying for the afflicted. The future place of my care team, brains team, and the chemotherapy nurse that held me tightly.

If the postpartum season wasn’t enough, this guy would top the charts in weight and it seemed like lifting him broke my back. Cancer cells were hiding in my back. Before the babe was crawling I was laid up. I was canceling plans to help move a friend, and seeking alternative medicine to popping Advil to manage the pain, so I could simply not feel a thing and sleep through the night.

Fast forward, my unknown condition progressed, to flu-like symptoms day in and day out attached to the pain, unable to keep up with my busy toddler. He found himself with some really great women, but none of which were his mom. My bedroom door shut and locked reminded him, mom was off limits.

Enter cancer treatment for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, and he truly became my angel.

He was the hug before I left the calm, peace filled walls of my home that would later that day become stained with the after effects of chemotherapy. He was worth every struggling ask to the friend that I needed multiple times a week to watch him, so I could go to another appointment. He was the snuggle that was always available.

God gave him to me because I would need an angel for what would shortly come after his birth.

And to hope, my cancer journey will bring him more good than sorrow.

Remission and survivorship welcomed new realities and challenges for my son and I. I was still on the mend, and he would be off to preschool part-time. What a relief. Yet, he wasn’t ready. He wasn’t potty trained. Through all the shuffle of my health, he didn’t advance into this territory. No one told me this would be a side effect of cancer. We had a “healthy” year together at home. I welcomed “Mum School” as Bluey puts it.

I knew moments with my kids would be fleeting once they were all in school for majority of the day. Well and you know because scans happen, life happens, storms happen, valleys happen.

For the first time in ten years, I approached our summer days with their agenda and not mine. I set aside cleaning just to clean, watching TV just to binge, blogging, and saving money. I was failing “Mum School” balancing all the plates at the same time. And boy was it delightful, even if it drove my hubby crazy.

This week my little “Greenie” flew the coop. He’s living his best days: outdoor school.

Here’s to failing “Mum School” and asking for forgiveness.

Here’s to finding gold together!

And to hope, the year can only get better from here, right?

P.S. If you need another heart warming smile, watch the Bluey episode “Mum School.”

A Mother’s Submission

May.

Rearrange the letters.

Okay God, you have my attention.

Your’s Truly, A-M-Y

Hello all the things that May brings. In my opinion, May is busier than the festivities of December.

Field Day / Reading Campout Day / Teacher Appreciation Week / end of BSF season for our family / Holiday Weekend / School Ends / End of school year activities at the library / planting the garden / Graduation Parties / Birthday Parties / Tulip Time / Cinco de Mayo / an out of the blue kindergarten graduation for one of my littles / you get the idea because your list keeps growing too.

As a kid, my extended family got together in May to celebrate about 15 May birthdays.

For me all the things have always happened in… May.

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I recently shared HERE the torture of planting my garden at this time of year and waiting for it’s goodness to blossom several days later. May warrants cultivating, believing, and the slow process of waiting.

Over the years, May has symbolized putting on my big girl pants versus being consumed by the busy happening around me.

My Birthday - May 13

Mother’s Day - May 12

Remission from Hodgkin’s Lymphoma Day - May 24

Getting my scans in to meet with my oncologist every six months even falls in May. - Scan: May 13 and Doc: May 23

In this space and time, three out of the five happen within 24 hours.

3 Reasons to “Throw Up My Hands.”

Mother’s Day… Celebrating a lack of control. As a mom, I fight to control all the things. Disappointment, grief, loss, pain, the straight path taking a detour, the zig zags, disease, outcomes, and fear. Sometimes, I experience these myself and as a mom.

Luckily, for all of us we come from a Creator who knows all the shoes we step into, knows our hearts desires, and forgives us when we neglect obedience. Our Creator loves us, so we can love too. Our Sovereign Creator loves creating good.

Scan Day… The old familiar feeling that, “I am a bump away from a blowout.” Yet, I am feeling armored up compared to my last scan that I shared about HERE. Bracing myself because “My insides will be exposed.”

Breathe.

If the laundry phrase, “Free and Clear,” doesn’t say it all, well here’s my best shot. My prayer is that I will walk in freedom of whatever comes of my scan and the weight of dancing between milestones. Motherhood in a nutshell, right? And hopefully a little more obvious… Clear, clear, clear results and a clear mind in the waiting.

My Birthday… Remembering I am still alive. God created me on purpose for a purpose (Psalm 139:16). God’s not done with what he started.

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All the Reason to Praise Him

From scan day (May 13) to results day (May 23), join me in shifting valley thoughts into praise. Tag me on Instagram and Facebook when you embrace God’s goodness and shift those valley thoughts into gold. I will be doing exactly the same. Showing up in the social world pointing to the everyday gold God provides.

Valley shifters… let’s throw up our hands in praise of our good God.

There's gold out there. Let's find it together!

Throw Up My Hands

Disclaimer: The word friend is used to describe family, friends, blood related relatives, church family, and my cancer support group interchangeably.

Special thanks to… all of my “friends” who made what could have been a nightmare an absolute adventure. Thank you!

If one phrase can clearly express the dichotomy of cancer it’s that exactly… “throw up my hands.”

Clinging to life, but ultimately not having any control.

The good and the bad.

A universal symbol of surrender.

A spiritual symbol of dependence on worshiping God.

One of my favorite songs by Brandon Lake called “Gratitude,” moves me to do just that, surrender and “throw up my hands.”

There’s a story in the Bible of a man’s hands being held in the air. This man Moses was leading the Israelites in a battle against the Amalekites. Scripture goes on to describe Moses’ success in battle this way:

11 As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. 12 When Moses’ hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset (Exodus 17:11-12).

Somedays, I am great at submitting to God’s control over my life, but most days, I move and be as if God’s sovereignty depends on me.

My tendency to do things myself really had to change in the wake of feeling the worst symptoms of my looming cancer, a cancer diagnosis, treatment, and survivorship.

My friends did just that: held up my hands.

I advanced because they held me up in the presence of my nemesis: cancer. God’s love for me, spread amongst an entire army walking through the fire with me.

My friends cleaned my house, willingly folded my husband’s underwear, visited me in the hospital, prepared meals, dropped off takeout, traveled hundreds of miles to pamper me, gave my kids opportunities to be kids, and refused to let me win at Scrabble. They held a space for me to pour out my heart and loved me through the trauma I was experiencing. My people validated my feelings, even if they had never been in my shoes.

Then, there was the group of friends that knew what I was going through. In an effort to find people in my stage of life walking through unforeseen circumstances, I discovered an organization that focuses on coming alongside adolescents and young adults who have crossed paths with cancer. Elephants and Tea exist so that no one has to walk through cancer alone.

To say I had the best of both worlds supporting my journey is an understatement. I had an opportunity to write for Elephants and Tea last Fall and this Spring discussing the power of finding the good on a ferocious cancer journey. You will definitely want to check out the newest article “The Power of Your Herd,” and the one you’ve probably already read, “Make Gratitude the Loudest.”

No one should have to fight cancer alone. A herd of any size has immeasurable strength. If you are walking through cancer treatment or chronic health issues, please know I am praying for the one friend that will cheer for you on your good days and bad days.

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My Neck of the Woods

May is around the corner…

The planting of good things to come. I won’t see the tomatoes and strawberries, but I can tend to them and watch them grow. Enough said, right? Waiting is hard. Tending is hard. Are you in a season of tending to the things you want to produce, good fruit? Or are you in a season of blooming? Possibly both. I would love to be praying for you and celebrating you. Drop a comment or fill out this form, so we can connect.  

Wherever you are, good fruit is coming.

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My son flies the coup next school year, to say I feel like an empty nester is completely ridiculous and insensitive to those sending their grown babies off to new endeavors, but it feels like the chicks hatched, and now, they are flying. He starts preschool next year. I will be attempting to intentionally live outside the day to day before sisters are off of school for summer break.

I’d love to hear your ideas to celebrate the end of an era - transitioning from staying at home with my babes to all of the kiddos being at school the majority of the week.

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Because you are my praying crew…

May marks a milestone - a huge milestone. It’s a milestone people dream of. A milestone folks with chronic illness hold on to both lightly and tightly. May marks one year of remission. One year without evidence of disease and no treatment. One year of feeling the joy of healing. One year of mourning the reality that I am surrounded by people who haven’t had the same experience.

One year of holding…

The light and the dark.

The joy and the sadness.

The clarity and the confusion.

Deliverance and waiting.

Celebrating remission comes with an upcoming month of throwing up my hands in the CT machine, waiting, waiting, getting nauseous on the way to appointments, waiting some more at the oncologist’s office, and sitting in front of my oncologist to hear what’s next.

A moment of “throwing up my hands,” so my body can creep through the scanning machine.

A moment of “throwing up my hands,” surrendering to God’s sovereignty.

If you feel inclined to pray for my family and I, that would mean so much to me. Pray that I can embrace May with joy and freedom from the wrath of cancer. That in the midst of an angsty time, I will fix my eyes on the everyday blessings God pours out to me.

From the bottom of my heart…Thank you for being a part of my dream herd!