Worthy of All Control
Hi October! I made it! Despite the turn of seasons I am up and at it.
Last year at this time, I was six months post stem cell transplant, and while I was itching for life to be back to normal, my body was just not there. This post shares more about what turning a page that didn’t want to turn felt like.
So, this year, I threw all my energy into making the transition from summer to fall less messy. At the beginning of September, I noted here on the blog the ways September had hit me hard in the past.
I attempted to derail September’s schemes with fitting in 10,000 steps a day, drinking an insane amount of water, strategically planning meals around protein, inviting loved ones to come visit in Michigan, making my bed religiously, staying put versus traveling, diving into God’s word, and reflecting on God’s goodness of everyday gold.
My survival kit to combat a stuck September really saved my month that got wonky, as expected.
An unexpected “snow day,” from school and the most amazing 80 degree September day sent us running with friends to the beach. Nothing beats the beach like clear skies and small, weekday crowds. Within 15 minutes of settling into our spot, we started to get swarmed by flies.
We stuck out the attack for about an hour, and we unanimously decided to get as far away from the beach as possible and head home. Of course it went this way. Flies stinging us and driving us away would for sure make for a “September,” outing.
By the grace of God, my kids got sick. Yep you heard that right. Not only did I relish in the extra quality time with each kiddo at separate times, I flooded my mind with the fact that they got sick first. Here’s why: I went ahead and got a fever too.
Reaching for the fever meds, my intrusive thoughts of cancer returning flooded my mind. Of course it happened moments after welcoming September here on the blog. My house got polluted with a wild six hour fever for some and a four day fever for the others. Sandwiched between two sick kiddos, I grasped for a deep breath that my kids had fevers. It’s just a fever.
When cancer flooded my body, night sweats, fevers, and chills persisted and redirected my days without notice. Fast forward to my low grade fever leaving me feeling all of my cells moving through my marrow. The spot on my back that sent my doctor declaring, “I wasn’t out of the woods yet,” even felt like it was throbbing. September definitely started in dramatic fashion.
September also brought great surprises too. We had a visitor for two extra days, birthday celebrations, and the most gorgeous weather we’ve seen in four months: clear skies, eighty degree pool weather days, and cool nights to open the windows.
My daughter’s birthday had closed out the month. She kept telling me she didn’t want any surprises. She doesn’t like the unscripted parts. She wanted her hand in all the things because she couldn’t settle the anticipation growing inside of her.
Somehow this September, sapphire gal has all the September feels of wanting to know all the things and to best prepare for said things.
Yet none of us are in control of the things that send us into a September spiral. Unexpected loss happens. School transitions mark both resilience and inflexibility. For better or for worse the weather changes.
I wrote in my last blog, about being afraid the other shoe was going to drop.
The September spiral has no power because God is worthy of it all.
The book of Revelation describes God declaring, “I am the Alpha and the Omega. Who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty” (Revelation 1:8 NIV).
It doesn’t escape me that some of my September mishaps felt relatively trivial. My friends faced their own version of September slapping them in the face. September didn’t go away as quickly as my mild fever. Scans, scopes, excruciating pain, job turndowns, injuries, out of the blue worsening tremors, spiritual warfare from sharing their testimony, and becoming a widow were some of the ways September has revealed their new reality.
God is worthy of our present.
God is worthy of our past.
God is worthy of our future.
I mentioned the grief I experienced when I lost my grandpa my senior year of high school here. It was the life event almost twenty years ago that set the tone for singing Green Day’s “Wake Me Up When September Ends” every September. At the end of that school year, Natasha Bedingfield’s “Unwritten” was the song I couldn’t stop singing. My friends and I would break out our over the top dance moves, screaming…
“Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten, yeah.”
A school year that started with grief, ended with hope.
The “September” days we face all year are in the hands of our almighty Father.
Here I am, trusting God is going to do something great with all the “unwritten” parts because he is worthy of it all.
Maybe it’s the middle of the day or the depth of the night, “Today is where your book begins” - again.
You are held by the one who knows the entire book. Will you join me in trusting God with the parts you haven’t written?
Let’s find the everyday gold God has for us in every aspect of our life.
