A Sweet Handful of Octobers
Recently, a friend came out for her family’s annual fall trip. We recounted the unfiltered beauty of fall in Michigan. We went all the way down memory lane to recount seven years of this tradition through photos on our phones. We were mixing up some of the years, as we remembered the good old days. We couldn’t help, but laugh about avoiding the hayride because the little one didn’t want to sit in the hay, and the year we got lost in the corn maze. Then, there was the time we had plans to go to the farm, but I went to the emergency room with compounding fevers, night sweats, and fatigue. This year’s trip will go down as the one where the pumpkin donuts were left behind.
Last month, I shared the repetitiveness of September in my life here, and the ways I proactively got ahead of my angst for the seasons changing here. September was incredible, partly because I was prepared, but the weather and sunshine were on point too.
Somehow, I cruise into October thinking to myself I can tackle anything.
Reality hits hard: the sun wakes up at 8am way after me, which is never good for anyone who has to interact with me before that, and my body just shuts down as if I were hibernating for the winter. And somehow, I get to the end of the month thinking: what just happened?
To my (limited) understanding, my body was designed to follow a circadian rhythm. Circadian rhythm impacts my sleep cycle, my energy, and adapts to the pattern of life happening all around me. I know friends who build their lives around adapting to the seasons, daylight, and embracing their circadian rhythm by eating fall foods and not looking at screens at night.
From my experience working on a farm, I’ve noticed farmers go from approximately fourteen to sixteen hours of daylight, working hours to about eight or ten. And while my heart jumps for joy that my farmer friends get that season to wind down quicker and rest in anticipation of next year’s planting, cultivating, and harvesting that is just not where I am. I am not a farmer.
My animals, I mean children, will be getting home just barely an hour before the sun goes down, when we turn over the clocks for daylight savings. So, while my body craves to crash at 4pm, I am sprinting a marathon jamming all things dinner, homework, family time, and activities into a three hour time frame.
You’ve heard me talk about combating this fog here. And for the record, being intentional is making all the difference. I can’t even imagine staying stuck with my digestion and challenging hormones that cause my mood to fluctuate.
October sneaks up on the best of us.
Yet, when my friend and I were piecing together our annual festivities, I realized it wasn’t just bliss, it legit felt like years of whiplash. Yes, the memories of the kids being little, and having this quality time together is precious, but like I already said, there was that time we had plans to go to the farm, but I went to the emergency room instead.
If our bodies have a circadian rhythm, health challenges and October have this pattern too! For five years, my health has battled hard in October.
October 2020 - My husband and I declared before our family and church that we would put our son’s life and future in the hands of our Lord at his dedication. That our son’s name Silas, reminds us that when we praise our Father, prison walls crumble (Acts 16:25-34 NIV). We are no longer bound, but free through Him. Within a couple of days, I was roaming my halls from twelve in the morning to three in the morning, limping in pain, thinking to myself, this sure feels like a prison cell.
October 2021- The hope of new lesions in safer places, warranted emergency room visits and compounding opinions from specialists.
October 2022 - I went from dreaming of a party to celebrate remission, to excessive pain, restless nights, surgery, and second opinions. Back to my original prison cell. My first chapter of chemotherapy didn’t do the trick, and October exploded because of it. Gratefully, I think every weekend that month we were surrounded by family and made sure we were having fun.
October 2023 - I’m in remission, the kids are transitioning to their new school, and the menopause bomb goes off.
October 2024 - The “aha moment” - I am free. I am free. I am free. I am free.
Through it all, I wouldn’t trade these full circle moments colliding and a clean bill of health. God doesn’t give me microwave answers. For better or for worse, He gives freedom.
Back in October of 2022, this scripture became my anthem, “For we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you” (2 Chronicles 20:10 NIV). The moabites and ammonites were closing in on King Jehoshaphat and the people of Judah. The people of Judah desired deliverance from their enemy. The Spirit of the Lord goes on to say, “Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the Lord says to you: ‘Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s’” (2 Chronicles 20:15 NIV).
My battle with cancer was a five year battle that continues. Whether prevalent in my life or flying under the radar, like the way October feels, the battle belongs to the Lord.
Whatever pattern or season you are in, the battle belongs to the Lord.
The pain you’re experiencing or the restless nights that won’t go away, the battle belongs to the Lord.
The rallying you are doing in your own strength, the battle belongs to the Lord.
The tears spilling over, “Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s” (2 Chronicles 20:15 NIV).
When we don’t know what to do, Lord, the battle belongs to you.
There’s a battle out there. He’s the gold worth clinging to. We can praise Him for that.
